Germs are everywhere, even in Dynasty Warriors
by whatamidoing765
Summary: I suffer for your amusement for I have to inspect the rooms of Wei, Wu, Shu, and Jin.*snickers* Don't you laugh at me! It is funny seeing you suffer...You are coming with me! I have to suffer for your mistake? You bet your ass! You were with me during the Disney fiasco! Anyway, watch as we reveal the dirty habits of certain DW characters.
1. Some people regret their job

**Koei CEO:Director!**

**Director:*gloomy* What...?**

**Koei CEO:You, inspect the kingdoms' rooms.**

**Director:Why? Don't we have an health inspector?**

**CEO:No, he quit. He said he saw some awful things.I'm not sure what he meant by that.**

**Director:Why me?Plus,the kingdoms' have maids and servants.**

**CEO:They are 2000 years-old,they don't know a thing about germs. We need to clean it for them so the characters won't get sick easily. Here is a blacklight,report what you see, and I'll send a group to sanitize the room.**

**Only if it is THAT dirty. And here is a machine to identify what stains are on a surface.**

**Director:That doesn't explain why I'm doing the inspection!**

**CEO:Remember that Disney fiasco? This is your punishment for that. Refuse,you are demoted to being one of the kingdom's servants. Cao Pi's, Yuan Shao's,or maybe even Dong Zhou's?**

**Director:But, I did some things in each kingdom...And they are not gonna to be happy to see me...**

**CEO:Oh really? Tell what you had done that was SO ghastly.**

**The director explained what had happened back in"Dynasty Warriors and Disney."**

**CEO:*eyes wide*WHAT! You did all that?! You were that sure you were going to die? So,how were Zhen Ji's boobs?**

**Director:They're fake...**

**CEO:Aww...But still, you have to do the inspection.**

**Director:But-**

**CEO:You had it coming, don't be surprised if they glare at you or try to kill you when you're doing this. But I will send a message saying to not kill you.**

**Director:But I wanted to die...*sigh* Fine. *leaves room***

**(Where should I go first? Jin?No they're still mad. Wei? I didn't do that much... Wu? I'm sure they still want me dead...Shu? No,they take things too seriously, and I'll die no matter what.)**


	2. I've always wanted to kick Sima Yi

**Director: I'll just start somewhere with the least amount of people. And that is Jin...Guy?**

**Guy:*walks up to him*You didn't lose your job?**

**Director:Yeah, and come with me on inspecting the kingdoms' rooms.**

**Guy:Why? It is your job.**

**Director:Extra hands and I need you to fast-talk just in case things get messy.**

**Guy:What do I get?**

**Director:*drops multiple 300 gold items* **

**Guy:Ok.**

* * *

**Jin area/Sima household**

**Director:Here put this on.*gives fake goatee and moustache***

**Guy:Why?**

**Director:*puts on his own fake facial hair*They know me, and I have to keep my face a secret or else I'm dead!*changes his sunglasses to glasses used for seeing stains in blacklight*And for you,don't let them remember you.**

**Guy:You just removed your sunglasses...**

**Director:They don't know what my eyes look like. So I'm good.**

**The director knocks on the door.**

**Director:*deepens voice*Inspection!**

**Sima Yi:*behind door*What inspection? This isn't a military base.**

**Director:We have to make sure your rooms are clean and germ-free.**

**Sima Yi:We have servants. What makes you any different?**

**Director:Koei sent us.**

**Sima Yi:Oh please, really?**

**Director:(God,he is irritating.) I have the CEO on speed-dial,you can talk to him.**

**Sima Yi:Fine,put him on.**

**Director:*calls the CEO* Boss? Sima Yi here is not letting us in.**

**CEO*on phone*:Let me talk to him.**

**Director puts the phone next to the door.**

**CEO:Let him in,his job is to look in your rooms and look if it is that dirty. If it is, I have to send a group over to clean up. I have to make sure you don't get some unknown disease.**

**The door opens,revealing Sima Shi.**

**The director and guy were looking at him, wide eyed.**

**Director and Guy:(He was impersonating Sima Yi?! Damn he's good!)**

**Sima Shi:You two may enter.**

**The two walked in and Sima Shi leads them into a room.**

**Sima Shi:Start here and work your way up the hall.**

**Sima Shi leaves the room,leaving the two.**

**Director:Okay...here is a blacklight,glasses,and machine for identifying stains. And some Clorox wipes.**

** The two inspected the room and came together.**

**Guy:Nothing. Pretty clean except for some dust.**

**Director:Same here. Doesn't seem so bad, as long they don't find out who I am.**

**They moved to the next room,Sima Yi's office.**

**Director:This place looks familiar,oh yeah, I insulted Yi,and groped his wife here.**

**Guy:You did what?**

**Director:Nothing. Just inspect.**

**Sima Yi(the real one): What is going on here?**

**Director:(Oh,God! Please don't remember!)Inspecting...?**

**Sima Yi:You are the inspectors Shi told me about. Continue on. He goes to sit at his desk.**

**Director then shines a light on his desk, revealing giant spots of filth.(Only he and Guy can see it,not Yi.)**

**Director:(Oh god,what IS that?)He pulls out the machine to identify the stain.**

**The machine: Salmonella, E. coli ,blood,semen,cold virus,HIV,influenza virus,100+ more bacteria Threat:Hell Yes**

**Director:(OH MY! WHAT? THE DESK IS INFECTED! He is working in his own filth!)*shines light on Sima Yi***

**Sima Yi:What are you doing with that light? Keep it away from me.**

**Director:(There's nothing on him except for the germs crawling up his sleeves.) Can you remove your items? I have to...take this desk...for...cleaning purposes...**

**Sima Yi:What, is the desk dirty? It looks clean enough.**

**Director:The desk LOOKS clean, but there is lots of stuff on there you don't see.*takes out Clorox wipes and cleaner***

**Sima Yi gets up and removes his items off the desk. The director sprays a lot of cleaner on the desk and uses the wipes.**

**Sima Yi:Isn't that too much? You are making this room smell funny.**

**Guy:You are cleaning a bit too fast...**

**Director: Oh, sorry. It's just want this VERY clean.**

**Sima Yi:What is possibly on my desk, that you have use a strong-smelling liquid?**

**Director:Do you want to know? Fine,there is fecal bacteria,blood, and semen on the desk. That is only a TINY part of what is on your desk. That desk is a bio-weapon! What have you been doing?**

**Sima Yi:Work.(And something else.)**

**Director:It can't be just "work." Care to explain the blood?**

**Sima Yi:A few months back,someone left a horse head on my desk.**

**Guy:He's right. The machine said the blood was animal.**

**Director:Fecal bacteria?**

**Sima Yi:Someone left horse feces on my desk. A childish prank.**

**Guy:Animal.**

**Director:Semen?**

**Guy:*looks at machine closely*Huh,human.**

**Director:*eyes widen*Male or female?**

**Guy:Both.**

**The two turned to Sima Yi with confused and disgusted faces.**

**Sima Yi:*slightly sweating*What?**

**Director:Something more than work?**

**Sima Yi:I don't have time to pursue romantic relationships!**

**Director:How do you know we're talking about"romantic relationships"?**

**Sima Yi:*slightly red*Well...I...You were implying that.**

**Guy:Mm-hm,let us see what the machine says.**

**The guy pushes a couple of buttons and the director looks with him.**

**Director:The DNA from the male sample is *turns to Sima Yi*yours. This is not looking good for you.**

**Sima Yi:(Damn it,he is going to...)*more red*Are you done here? Don't you have other rooms to"inspect"?**

**The two looked at the machine in surprise as they looked up the female sample.**

**Sima Yi:*very red*Yeah,you're done. Get out.**

**Director:Alright,we're done here. Let's go.**

**The two left the room.**

**Sima Yi:*red as hell*Those...two...but,that smartass fellow looks familiar...**

**Hall**

**Director:I've always wondered why Zhang Chunhua stands there next to him.**

**Guy:Certainly more than"helping and bringing him tea."Who knew?**

**Director:Yeah,Ok, next room.**

**Sima Shi's and Sima Zhao's office**

**Director:They have to share offices?**

**The two open the doors,revealing two separate desks facing each other. With Sima Shi in one of them.**

**Guy:Looks clean.**

**Director:LOOKS. Now get inspecting.**

***13 minutes later***

**Guy:There is a stale meatbun under the desk...**

**Director:Found a girl's undergarment...and some semen...*sprays a lot of Clorox on Sima Zhao's desk***

**Sima Shi:Oh,that's Yuanji's.**

**The two looked at him in confusion.**

**Hall**

**Director: Each officer has their own office.**

**Guy:There are not many here today.**

**Director:Ok, just go into each office.**

**Jia Chong's office**

**Guy:The room looks clean...**

**Director:*turns on light*Nope...**

**The two have their lights on and looked in horror at what they saw.**

**Director:Is that...?**

**Guy:Blood. Human and animal.**

**Director:Sanitize it NOW.*takes out clipboard and writes***

**Guo Huai's office**

**Director:SANITIZE NOW.*writes on clipboard***

**Guy:Don't we-**

**Director:NO.**

**Deng Ai's office**

**Both turn on their lights.**

**Guy:Nothing.****.**

**Director:Nah,just dirt and dust.**

**Wen Yang's office**

**Director:They have a specially-made door for him.**

**Guy:He must be that tall. It looks normal in here.**

**Director:There are some tear stains on the desk.**

**Zhuge Dan's office**

**Director:Nothing, except this shrine to Sima Shi.**

**Guy:And a picture of Zhao with knives all over it.**

**Zhong Hui's office**

**The two looked at the room with WTF faces.**

**Guy:There are pictures of himself...**

**Director:And a shrine...to himself... Overall,nothing.**

**Xiahou Ba's office**

**Guy:It's dusty.**

**Director:Too dusty. Why do they even have an office for him? Sanitize. **

**Guy:Why sanitize?**

**Director:I'm sure Shi or Zhao would want the extra office.**

**Director:*calls CEO*I'm finished,you just need to sanitize Jia Chong's,Guo Huai's,and Xiahou Ba's offices.**

**CEO:You also need to inspect the homes of the officers.**

**Director:WHAT? But I-**

**CEO:Just inspect the Sima household,you baby.**

**Director:Fine...*hangs up***

**Sima Yi:*appears*What is your name again?**

**Director and Guy:Gahh!**

**Director:Uhh...Inspector...?(In reality,his name is unknown, also Guy.)**

**Sima Yi:Not your occupation,your name.**

**Director:Why? I'm here only today.**

**Sima Yi:You look like someone I know and you bring back certain memories...**

**Director:(Oh,no!)Well,I look like a lot of people.**

**Sima Yi:I know this man,he is a"director."Know him?**

**Director:Him? He is my cousin,twice removed.**

**Sima Yi:Hmm...interesting. I'll leave you to your work.*leaves the two***

**Guy:He almost got you there...**

**Director:Yeah...**

**Sima Zhao and Wang Yuanji's roo****m**

**Director:Oh,NO,I'm not looking.**

**Guy:Just do it,it might be not as dirty as you think it is.**

**The two enter and shined their lights. With Sima Zhao still sleeping in the bed.**

**Guy:*shines light at Zhao*Oh,dear...he's sleeping in...**

**Director:*holding machine*He is sleeping on 3 of Sima Yi's desks...SANITIZE. IT. NOW. **

**Guy:Should we-**

**Director:Already on it. WAKE UP, SIIMMA ZZHHAAO! YOU ARE SLEEPING ON SHHHH*TTT!**

**Sima Zhao falls out of bed and looks at the two.**

**Sima Zhao:I'm sleeping on what?**

**Director:Your own filth. Now go and clean yourself up.**

**Sima Zhao:You sound like if Father and Mother were the same person...**

**Director:That thought is making me sick...**

**Sima Shi's room**

**Director:Okay...**

**Guy:Looks decent. Except that meatbun floating there... **

**Director:Geez,he wastes food. Throw that away. It is crawling with some disgusting mold.**

**Guy:I can't...*grabs at it*I can't pick it up. My hand just goes through it.**

**Director:Than forget it. Now come, we have to look through here.**

**The two turned their lights on,revealing giant spots on the bed.**

**Director:That better be...**

**Guy:*holding machine*...it's semen...one male and three females.**

**Director:OK! We're done! Sanitize now.**

**Guy:The male one belongs to Shi,but the women are not in the Koei database...**

**Director:Probably his wives.**

**Guy:One belongs to Yuanji...**

**Director:LET'S. GO. NOW.**

**Outside**

**The director goes to puke in a pond nearby.**

**Director:Oh,god...I have three more kingdoms to inspect. If this place is THAT dirty,*groans* I'll just reveal myself and let Jin kill me now if the other kingdoms are like this.**

**Guy:*pats Director's back* We have one more room to inspect. That and we go to the next kingdom.**

**Director:*sigh* I deserved this, after all I did unforgivable things because I was stupid as rock. That an-Ahh!**

**The director sees Zhang Chunhua walking near the pond he was puking in.**

**Director:Oh god,let's go!**

**The two ran behind a nearby tree and peeked behind it.**

**Zhang Chunhua:Come out,I already saw you.**

**Guy:Just let me do the talking.**

**The two moved from the tree and walked up to her.**

**Zhang Chunhua:Care to explain the vomit in the pond over there? **

**Guy:My friend here is just sick, but able to work.**

**Director:*deepens voice*Yeah.*fake cough***

**Zhang Chunhua:Then I hope you don't mind cleaning it up?**

**Guy:Yeah,right away! And can you tell us where your room is? That is the last one we have to inspect.**

**Zhang Chunhua:It is over there,****and your friend here is looking where he not supposed to be looking.**

**Guy catches Director staring at Zhang Chunhua's chest. He hits him in the arm.**

**Guy:Sorry about that,**** he is rather...uncouth.**

**Zhang Chunhua:He is. I shall leave you to your jobs now.**

**As she walked away,Guy catches the director again staring. He slaps him.**

**Guy:Really? What are you doing? Let's go!**

**Director:You're a buzzkill...**

**Guy:You're a pervert! Have you no shame?!**

**Director:You should see me with the other women in DW...**

**Guy:NO! Don't want to hear it!**

**Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua's room**

**Director:Ugh...I don't want to look in here...You've seen Sima Yi's desk...**

**Guy:...We have to...(I don't want to myself)...But it might be cleaner...**

**Director:Bet you 300 gold if it isn't.**

**The two entered the room, looking all around just in case.**

**Guy:It looks fine...maybe...**

**Director:*deep breath* Turn on your light.**

**The two turned their lights and looked all around.**

**Guy:How about the bed?**

**Director:HELL NO! **

**Guy looks at the bed.**

**Guy: There's nothing.**

**Director:Remove the sheets,you'll see something.**

**The two removed the sheets,but when they looked, their faces expressed a combination of disgust,anger, and confusion.**

**Both:OH MY LORD AND CHINESE JESUS!*both put the sheets back.**

**Director:I...*groan* It's 100 Shades of Grey under there...I hate to see the other kingdoms now...**

**Guy:****Wait, look at the floor!**

**The two turned to the floor. The two see a large splatter stain on the ground.**

**Director:This is...*looks at machine*...blood. Human also.*pushes buttons* Huh,it is a missing maid's.**

**The two froze in horror.**

**Guy:Is this..?**

**Director:SANITIZE THIS PLACE NOW! OR BURN IT!**

**The two got out as fast as they could.**

**Director:*calls CEO*Just sanitize the whole Sima household...**

**CEO:What? It's that dirty?**

**Director:You DAMN RIGHT it's dirty! **

**CEO:OK,OK,I got it. I'll send a team over. And remember,you have three more kingdoms.**

**Director:*hangs up, deep sigh*I have to go to Wei now...**

**Sima Yi:*is behind him*You almost got me there...**

**Director:AHH! Stop doing that! I got you what?**

**Sima Yi:*reaches and rips off the director's fake goatee* You thought you can fool me with this?**

**Director:Ok, you can kill me now! I'm ready!**

**Sima Yi:No. You seem rather TOO happy to die, therefore I shall not give you your wish. I'll let you suffer in what you are doing.*walks away***

**Director:No,no! Kill me!*clings on to him* You look like a horse's ass! How can you live with yourself with that hat? It reminds me of the ships of Chibi!**

**Sima Yi:*really trying to hold it in*No.*kicks him off***

**Director goes after him and kicks him in the you-know-what.**

**Sima Yi:*falls down*GAAHH! STILL NOT KILLING YOU! GAHHH! YOU"RE NOT WORTH IT!*rolls in pain***

**Director:Oh,forget it! I'll just go to Wei!*puts on his fake goatee***

**Guy:We didn't clean the pond...**

**Director:Forget about it, let's just say it is a present for Yi.**


	3. Wei has people that can kick your butt

**Guy:Is the puke in the pond still there?**

**Director:Why are you still on the subject? I'm sure it mixed in with the water...**

***scene change***

**Sima Yi:(limping because of his"injury")I..hope..that man dies in a fire...huh?**

**He sees the puke still in the pond.**

**Sima Yi:*face in disgust*I want to throw that man in a pot of boiling oil...**

***switches back***

**The director and guy walks up to the palace in Luoyang**. **He is greeted by Zhang He.**

**Zhang He:*sparkle*What brings you to our palace?*sparkle***

**Guy:*creeped out*W-we're inspectors sent by Koei.**

**Director:We are here to tell Cao Cao we're going to each room in here and then your homes.**

**Zhang He:Right this way.**

**He opened the doors into the throne room.**

**Zhang He:Lord Cao Cao,these men are here to see you.**

**Cao Cao:What is your business here?**

**Direrctor:We inspect your rooms if they need EXTRA cleaning. Including this one.**

**Cao Cao:We have servants, it is not necessary for you to check the rooms.**

**Director:*calls CEO* Cao Cao is not complying.*holds up phone***

**CEO:Let him. He had just went through Jin, and wants you to make this easy. **

**Cao Cao:Fine, but I will have someone to go with them.**

**CEO:Fine with me,as long he is not dead.*hangs up***

**Cao Cao:(As long he is not dead? Why would we kill him? Unless...)Li Dian, go with them.**

**Li Dian:Yes,my Lord!**

**Director:First, we have to look in this room.**

**Cao Cao:Do what you need to do.**

**The two started to shine light at the edges of the room. Guy:Nothing. Director:Some dust and dirt. Cao Cao, please get up from your throne, we have to look at that. Cao Cao gets up and watches the two shine lights on it.**

**Cao Cao:Why are you shining light on everywhere?**

**Guy:With these glasses,and the blacklight, we can see what can't be seen to the naked eye.**

**Cao Cao:What sorcery! **

**Guy:No...just science. If this place were a little darker, you could see it yourself.**

**Director:There is a big splotch on where your throne is...*holds up machine*Mostly urine. Rest is unknown.*sprays lots of Clorox and wipes* Avoid sitting here for a while.**

**Cao Cao:*relieved*The stain is gone?**

**Guy:Most of it.**

**Corridor**

**Director:We are going to each officers' office. How many are there?**

**Li Dian:Including Cao Cao's and mine's, seventeen.**

**Guy:Jin had nine offices. A lot more work this time.**

**Director:Let's get started, shall we?**

**Cao Cao's office**

**Director:More urine stains. **

**Guy:And some binoculars. There is a picture stash in the corner.**

**Director:*picks up one*This is Zhen Ji changing...*picks up another one* Dear me, it's the Qiaos...And you call me a pervert...**

**Guy:I take back about you having no shame.**

**Cao Pi's office**

**Director shines a light on Cao Pi's desk.**

**Director:Dear god, the whole desk is covered with filth.*pulls out machine***

**Machine:Salmonella,HIV, influenza virus, blood, semen, urine, stomach acid, bordetella pertussis(real bacteria name),150+ more, Threat:BURN IT, ****DNA from semen:Cao Pi, Zhen Ji, Three unknown.**

**Li Dian:*looks at machine*That's not good, is it?**

**Guy:Nope. Burn the desk.**

**Li Dian:All desks here are made of bronze...**

**The director pours an incredibly large amount of ammonia on the desk and wipes with the curtain in the room.**

**Li Dian:*holds nose*Whew! That has a very strong stench! Can that get rid of what is on the desk?**

**Director: It gets MOST of it clean.*throws the curtain away*You might need to burn that.**

**As they left the office, Director sees a picture of Cao Pi, takes out a pen, and draws a moustache on it.(Yes, he really doesn't like him)**

**Dian Wei's office**

**Director:He has an office?**

**Li Dian:He may be a bodyguard, but he does some paperwork.**

**Guy:*looks around*Nothing.**

**Xu Chu's office**

**Director and Guy:(Heh,the door is wider than the three of us...)**

**Li Dian:What are you smiling about?**

**Both:Nothing.**

**They start to look around the room.**

**Guy:There are a lot of crumbs...nothing else.**

**Xu Huang's office**

**Guy:There's nothing,very clean.**

**Director:Not a speck of dust...**

**Li Dian:He is a tidy man. Plus he doesn't use this room much. He often goes training with Zhang Liao.**

**Yue Jin's office**

**Director:Honestly, where is everyone? We don't see anyone except you,Cao Cao and Zhang He.**

**Li Dian:It is very slow today, so everyone went home.**

**Guy:There is nothing here. Let's go.**

**Li Dian:Yue Jin doesn't use this room much, mostly he is out running laps around Luoyang until he is needed.**

**Li Dian's office**

**Director:Nothing here, and by the way, why are you still here?**

**Li Dian:I have to do something, and it's before you guys leave.**

**Director:*looks at the wheeled halberd in the room*How are you able to get this in?**

**Li Dian:I honestly don't know. Look.**

**He takes the halberd and walks in and out of the room. The halberd is bigger than the doorway yet its going through.(In some games, when you carry a gigantic weapon, it goes through walls, ceilings,and doors that are not big enough to go through but yet you go through. In DW, it does that too.)**

**Guy:Huh, weird. **

**Yu Jin's office**

**Director:It's so clean, yet the desk seems so old. The top is worn out like crazy. There are germs, but normal for a desk.**

**Li Dian:Yep,he works a lot, thus why this desk looks so worn out.**

**Guy: I always get Yue Jin and Yu Jin confused, how do you tell the difference?**

**Li Dian:Just look at them. Yue Jin is short, but quick on his feet. Yu Jin is taller and he..well..is stricter. There is a BIG difference.**

**Director:What about typos? This will cause a lot of confusion.**

**Li Dian:We don't type, so there is nothing to worry about.**

**Zhang Liao's office**

**Director:Clean. For a brutal guy,he keeps this place tidy.**

**Guy:It almost seems perfect.**

**Wang Yi's office**

**Director:Wait, she has an office?**

**Li Dian:Cao Cao had to, because she was so capable. She works decently.**

**Guy:There's a Ma Chao voodoo doll...and it's covered in needles. **

**Director:So many Ma Chao pictures with knives in them...Reminds me of my ex-girlfriend...**

**The two turned on their lights, revealing giant splotches.**

**Guy:This is blood,no doubt.**

**Director:Sanitize.*writes in clipboard***

**Li Dian:Can I see?**

**The director gives him his glasses.**

**Li Dian:What is that?**

**Director and Guy:Blood.**

**Li Dian:*removes glasses*Okaay...here...*gives them back to Director*I didn't know she...**

**Both:It's animal, we checked.**

**Li Dian:Thank the Heavens...**

**Guy and Director:(She's a PERFECT match for Jia Chong...)**

**Pang De's office**

**Director:Clean.**

**Guy:That weapon over there*pointing at mace*, reminds me of a mascara brush...**

**Cao Ren's office**

**Guy:This is way TOO clean. Does he even use this room?**

**Li Dian:No, he is usually out in garrisons, always putting up defense.**

**Xiahou Dun's office**

**Director:Nothing much.**

**Guy:There are holes in the wall...**

**Li Dian:We are trying to teach anger management to him. But it is not working.**

**Director:You have to try harder then!**

**Zhang He's office**

**Director:It's purple and blue in here...But the most colorful out of the offices we have seen.**

**Zhang He:Here to look at my lovely room?**

**Director:That, and looking for anything that is not supposed to be here.**

**Guy:There is really NOTHING. The blacklight, and machine shows me this place is really perfect. **

**Zhang He: I take pride with cleaning everything myself.**

**Director:*shines light on claws*Your claws have blood leftover, so here is some special blade cleaner. It will get rid of any that is left on the claws.**

**Zhang He:Oh thank you! My claws shall shine as bright as the moon!*gets on cleaning the weapons***

**Guy:Okaay...**

**Xiahou Yuan's office**

**Director:Nothing.**

**Guy:There is his son's picture here. What a nice guy.**

**Jia Xiu's office**

**Director:It is so dark in here...No windows? **

**Li Dian:The man said he wanted no windows.**

**Guy:Found traces of alcohol on the floor, nothing else. He keeps clean.**

**Director:I found a genie lamp.*rubs it***

**Li Dian:That's fake...**

**Director:Aww...**

**Guo Jia's office**

**Director:*shines light*Giant spots here...**

**Guy:*holding machine*Oh god,there's traces of alcohol and semen on the floor and desk...*turns green***

**Li Dian:What?**

**Director:You don't want know...Sanitize.*writes on clipboard***

**Guy:One male and twenty other females...One is Guo Jia, and the others are not in the database.**

**Director:(Lucky bastard...)**

**Outside**

**Director:That is all of them. Good day, Li Dian.**

**Li Dian:Before you go,Cao Cao asked me to give you this message.*holds up paper*"Please remove that hideous "beard",you're not fooling anyone. We are no longer mad,so don't worry. On the other hand, Cao Pi is wanting your head as we speak, so I suggest leaving before he comes back."**

**Director:*removes beard*..cheap crap...So, you are not mad?**

**Li Dian:We have been called worse. And Cao Pi's over there...**

**Director:Oh ,no! Let's go!**

**Li Dian:*waves happily*Bye!**


	4. Wu has nice beaches and tiger print

**Director:I have another beard, it looks like Zhuge Liang's a little bit.*puts it on***

**Guy:How many do you have?**

**Director:Just enough if the other ones don't work.**

**Guy:They DID not work, Sima Yi and Cao Cao could see through them.**

**Director:They are sharp men, I bet they can find Waldo in half a minute!**

**Guy:Where should we go next?**

**Director:Wu, because-**

**Guy:NOT because of Lian Shi.**

**Director:That, and Shu is too far. We are near the border of Wu, so it is convenient for us. But I'm glad you appreciate Lian Shi as much as I do.**

**Guy:That was not-ugh..nevermind...**

**Wu Palace**

**The two opened the doors and see Sun Jian.**

**Director:(He's alive? Aww, I wanted Sun Quan, so I can see Lian Shi's ta-tas..)**

**Sun Jian:Ah, what brings you to our palace?**

**Guy:Koei sent us to inspect your rooms. Sorry for any intrusion.**

**Sun Jian:You may go do what you need to do. I'll send Ce to show you around.**

**Sun Ce:Where do you need to look first?**

**Director:We'll inspect here first, then show us the offices, and lastly your home.**

**The two began to look around with theirs lights on.**

**Guy:This place is very clean.**

**Sun Ce:This place was just built.**

**Hallway**

**Sun Ce:Here are the offices.**

**Director:How many are there?**

**Sun Ce:Seventeen, including Father's and mine's.**

**Guy:Same number as Wei's.**

**Sun Jian's office**

**Director:Nothing, except some dust.**

**Guy:Aww, he has pictures of the Sun kids with him.**

**Director:How are they able to get these kind of pictures? They don't have cameras.**

**Sun Ce:When asked, Koei will give anyone a picture of anyone. **

**Director:Ahem,a_nyone?_**

**Guy:No, you're not asking them for a picture of Lian Shi or Zhang Chunhua.**

**Director:*nervous*Heh,heh, you're funny...I would not partake in such a...perverted act...no..heh...(I want to...)**

**Guy:Uh-huh.**

**Sun Ce's office**

**Sun Ce:Pretty nice, huh?**

**The office revealed the room in tiger print and a tiger desk and chair.**

**Director:(This looks more like Mike Tyson's house than an office.)Yeah, nice...**

**Guy:Ok, the light reveals nothing. It's clean. Also, is it real tiger?**

**Sun Ce:No, why would we do such a thing? Koei told us about this style, but I was the only one that actually did this renovation. All of this is fake, but stylish.**

**Director:There's a stuffed tiger head on the edge of the desk.*pokes it***

**Sun Quan's office (Sun Quan and Lian Shi are in it)**

**Sun Ce:Quan, these guys here have to inspect this room, so don't get startled.**

**Sun Quan:Ok, if it is alright with you.**

**Director:Yeah... *staring at Lian Shi,no doubt*..let's get inspecting.**

**Guy:*hits him*Stop it!**

**The two shined their lights everywhere in the room.(With director sneaking a peak of Lian Shi every couple of minutes)**

**Guy:There is nothing here, lets go...HEY!**

**Director is staring at Lian Shi again, and Guy hits him. The two leave the room.**

**Sun Quan:...That guy was constantly staring at you...*eye twitch***

**Lian Shi:...He looks familiar...**

**Sun Shang Xiang's office**

**Director:Why does she have an office?**

**Sun Ce:She wanted one, and annoyed us until we built one for her.**

**Guy:It's dusty, overall, it's clean.**

**Sun Ce:She wanted this when she was little, now she can't use it because, you know, the Liu Bei thing?**

**Taishi Ci's office**

**Director:Clean. Pretty empty...**

**Sun Ce:Poor Taishi Ci, he doesn't get much to decorate his office except his twin rods.**

**Lu Xun's office**

**Guy:So much red and orange...**

**Sun Ce:He loves red and orange, I don't know why though.**

**Director:It's clean except for some ashes in the corners.**

**Zhou Yu's office**

**Guy:Some blood stains on the floor.*holds light*Some old, some new.**

**Sun Ce:He is sick, but for some reason, he gets better, only to get sick again. Right now he is fine.**

**Director:I found a doll of Zhuge Liang...it's missing a arm and a leg. It is covered in stab marks and a knife is sticking out of it.**

**Sun Ce:Yeah...about that...he...**

**Director and guy:We know.**

**Lu Meng's office**

**Guy:There are some weird germs on the desk...*holds out machine* Monkeypox?(this is real, google on your own risk)**

**Director:Sanitize. And let's get out!**

**Gan Ning's office**

**Guy:More unusual germs.*holds the machine*_Phthirus pubis?_(another real one, google on own risk)**

**Director: SANITIZE. IT. **

**Guy:There's also semen...**

**Director:GET THE F**K OUT!**

**Huang Gai's office**

**Guy:Pretty nice. There is a Bowflex machine in the corner.**

**Director:*holding light*Clean. Except the machine is covered in filth, I'll just wipe it down with Clorox.**

**Zhou Tai's office**

**Guy:The room is like it's never been touched...**

**Sun Ce:He never uses it.**

**Ding Feng's office**

**Director:The door's big...**

**Sun Ce:He's a big guy. We had to make the door wider and higher.**

**Guy:Clean. Hey, some poems.*reads some* *goes in a corner, depressed*I wish I was never born...**

**Director:Oh, come on, it can't be that sad.*reads it* *goes in corner with guy*I wish I was never born...**

**Sun Ce:Let me see...*reads* *goes in the corner with the two* I wish I was never born... (Did you get this anime reference?)**

**Ling tong's office**

**Guy:*shines light* There is a giant splotch there.**

**Director:*holding Machine*It's semen, and urine*looks at machine closely*.. oh,dear...SANITIZE THIS ROOM!**

**Lu Su's office**

**Guy:The desk is worn out. The germs on here are normal for a desk.**

**Director:Just wipe it with Clorox.**

**Han Dang's office**

**Han Dang:Oh, hi guys!**

**Guy:Ok, *shining light* Nothing, nothing, and it's clean.**

**Director:Pretty clean in here.**

**Han Dang:Uhh..what are you doing?**

**Director:Alright let's go.**

**Han Dang:HEY! DON'T IGNORE ME!**

**Zhu Ran's office**

**Guy:More red and orange...**

**Sun Ce:He also loves his red and orange! That's why Lu Xun and him became good friends.**

**Director:Clean. More ashes in the corner.**

**Sun Family residence **

**Sun Ce:Here is our home. After this you're done right?**

**Director:Yes, I'll start with Sun Jian's.**

**Sun Jian's room**

**Director:Seems normal.**

**Guy:*shining light* It's dirty. The room is pretty old.**

**Director: The germs are not harmful. So we can leave it like this.**

**Guy:Nice pictures. Who is that lady?**

**Sun Ce:My mother.**

**Director and guy:*staring at picture, raising eyebrows* Really?**

**Sun Ce's room**

**The room is covered in tiger print along with tiger-themed furniture.**

**Director:(It looks like a pimp lives here.)You also did this for your room?**

**Sun Ce:Why not? It looks nice.**

**Guy:*shining light*Clean. But does anyone mind this?**

**Sun Ce:Quan and Shang Xiang sometimes question this. **

**Sun Shang Xiang's room**

**Director:Nice weapons on the wall.**

**Guy:The room is nice. *shines light* It's clean.**

**Sun Ce:She had a phase where she wanted to collect every weapon to put in this room. She didn't get to finish it. She also had a clean-freak phase.**

**Sun Quan and Lian Shi's room**

**Director:Ok, then...oh-ho-ho!**

**He sees Lian Shi changing in the next room. Sun Ce and guy did not catch up with him yet. Director sneaks up behind her carefully and is straining to get a better look. He hits his foot on the threshold.**

**Lian Shi:*looks behind her*My lord, is that you?**

**The director is hiding beside the door leading into Lian Shi's chambers.**

**Lian Shi:Hello? *walks very slowly towards the door***

**Director:(Oh no, she is coming this way!) I should...**

**Sun Quan: Ahem...Looking for someone?**

**Director:*turns around* Oh, I...lost my way around here...(Oh no, I'm dead!)**

**Lian Shi:My lord?*pauses and sees director* **

**Director:Oh,crap...**

**Outside of SQ and LS's room**

**Guy:The room is clean.(Except for the bed...)**

**Sun Ce:So you're done?**

**Guy:Yes, but I can't find that idiot...**

**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**The director is flung outside, breaking the door in the process.**

**Director:*arrows are sticking out of his back and butt* Uhhh...*beard falls off***

**Lian Shi and Sun Quan walk out of the broken doorway.**

**Sun Quan:It's you...**

**Guy:What happened?**

**Sun Quan:This guy was near Lian Shi's chambers when she was changing.**

**Sun Ce:Dude, not cool...**

**Guy:That is so like you...**

**Director:I almost saw it...*twitches***

**Guy:Uhh, disgusting...*drags director off* Sorry for this guy, he is rather like this, unfortunately.**

**Sun Quan:I feel sorry for you having to work with him...**

**Guy:I'm used to it.**


	5. Shu has Zhuge Liang and voodoo dolls

**Director:Last is Shu, then I'm done. I'm just going to walk in there with no beard. They don't even work anyway. By the way, you can remove yours.**

**Guy:*removes his fake facial hair*What about Other?**

**Director:Don't remind me, and CEO did not ask me to do them.**

**Guy:You gotta at least-**

**Director:NO.**

**They walk into a village. They have a chat as they walked through it.**

**Guy:I have just noticed something, before and during the Disney thing, you were more respectful towards the women. Now you're just a pervert.**

**Director:I had to fight my urges, besides they would not do the roles if I was rude. (Though I snuck a peek of Lian Shi when she was wearing the Pocahontas costume.) Also, you don't seem to be interested in the DW women. Are you by any chance...?**

**Guy:I'm not homosexual. **

**Director:Then-**

**Guy:Not asexual either. **

**Director:Then what are you?**

**Guy:I'm interested, but not your type of women.**

**Director:What is your type?**

**Guy:Maybe Yue Ying, or Zhang Chunhua.**

**Director:Why? **

**Guy:I have a thing for intelligent women. Not like you who sees women through their chest.**

**Director:Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi are not going to be happy...**

**Guy:I like them, but they are married. I like to keep it that way. Maybe I should go for Cai Wenji?**

**Director:I didn't know you like music. **

**Guy:I think she is a lovely women. I find her poems comforting. Ahh, here we are.**

**The two arrive at the steps of the palace and climbed up. The doors open, with Zhuge Liang coming out.**

**Zhuge Liang:Evening, gentleme-He stops to look at the director's face.**

**Director:(Yeah, he remembers.) Koei sent us to inspect your rooms. But I think you want my friend here instead of me.**

**Zhuge Liang:It's you, but you are on business, so I won't hold anything against you. (Though I want to thank him.)You may enter.**

**The two enter the castle and get an unfriendly welcome from the warriors of Shu. The Five Tiger generals have their weapons at the director's head.**

**Guan Yu:What are you doing back here? Coming to offer your head?**

**Zhang Fei:You've got some nerve coming back!**

**Ma Chao:Are you here to obstruct our JUSTICE?**

**Huang Zhong:You are a fool for coming back.**

**Zhao Yun:Coming to insult the glory of Shu?**

**Zhuge Liang:Enough, the man is on business, killing him would make us lose Koei's favor.**

**The generals lower their weapons. Liu Bei walks in.**

**Liu Bei:What is going on? Why is that man here?**

**Zhuge Liang:He is sent by Koei to inspect our rooms. I will show him around and make sure he doesn't try anything.**

**Liu Bei:Very well, I shall leave you to it.**

**Director:I'm going to inspect this room first, if you don't mind.**

**The director and guy walk all around,shining lights. They see an old pool of blood.**

**Guy:What is this? Did you guys-? Nevermind, I'm not dying for this.**

**The generals were behind them, then hid their weapons.**

**Liu Bei's office**

**Liu Bei:What are those lights for?**

**Zhuge Liang:They are able to see stains that we are not able to see.**

**Guy:They-oh, you know what these do? I saved some breath.**

**Zhuge Liang:I'm aware of your technology.**

**Director:Overall, clean. Do you know what this does?*holds up machine***

**Zhuge Liang:I have never seen that. What does it do?**

**Guy:Identifying stains. Here, I'll show you.**

**Guy uses the machine on Liu Bei's desk, beeping.**

**Machine:Salmonella, E. coli,blood Threat:Not really**

**Guy:See?**

**Liu Bei:What amazing technology! Also, what is on my desk? I heard blood.**

**Guy:Two kinds of bacteria found in feces.**

**Liu Bei:...How?**

**Guy:It just happens when you don't clean the desk or yourself.**

**Zhang Fei's office**

**Machine:Blood, alcohol, semen, salmonella, , urine, HIV, 500+ more Threat:TAKE THE WHOLE DAMN PLACE DOWN**

**Guy:...Ok...**

**Director:Sanitize. *writes on clipboard*Or maybe burn this down.**

**Zhuge Liang:That man is disgusting...**

**Guan Yu's office**

**Guy:...He has heads on the wall...**

**Zhuge liang:I told him to remove them, but he refuses.**

**Director: For blood near the heads, it just needs some Clorox.*wipes the old blood* Hey, Wen Chou, and Yan Liang. Hua Xiong, too. **

**Guy:How are you fine with this?**

**Director:These guys talk all day about who is taking whose head. You except some to actually do it.**

**Zhao Yun's office**

**Guy:*holding light*...whoa...Lots of unusual stains.**

**Machine:Semen, alcohol, HIV, urine 70+ Threat:Yes**

**Director:Poster boy gets to have parties, does he?**

**Zhuge Liang:*nods***

**Director:Sanitize this room just in case. *wries in clipboard***

**Ma Chao's office**

**Guy:Clean, but a lot of Cao Cao pictures...with knives or torn up.**

**Zhuge liang:He eats beef in a hateful way, too. He often stabs it multiple times, before eating it barbarically.**

**Director:Hey, a Cao Cao doll...that has been ripped to the point where it is just stuffing... Honestly, where are they getting these? I want one.**

**Guy:You just want Lian Shi and Zhang Chunhua.**

**Director:I'll get you a Cai Wenji one...Or maybe a Yue Ying one?**

**Guy:*blushing* No, I don't want a doll of them...You don't know what you're talking about...heh..**

**Director:..You want one, do you? Come now, don't be shy.**

**Zhuge Liang:*eyeing guy*What are you talking about?**

**Guy:*blush intensifies* N-nothing!**

**Hunag Zhong's office**

**Guy:It reeks of urine. **

**Director:Sanitize, and-ugh it smells like diapers.**

**Zhuge Liang:Not so loud. He doesn't like it when you say it so straight forward.**

**Ma Dai's office**

**Director:Clean. **

**Guy:Why are the walls covered in black paintings of animals?**

**Zhuge Liang:He likes to paint, simply that.**

**Xing Cai's office**

**Director:She has an office?**

**Zhuge Liang:She is capable, it will be a shame to waste her talents.**

**Guy:She seems to be more "in the battlefield" type.**

**Director:*shining light*Nothing, I see some tear stains though.**

**Wei Yan's office**

**Guy:Hmm, it's clean. He is quite tidy.**

**Director:For a guy who can't say a full sentence, he's neat.**

**Zhuge Liang:*rolls back eyes***

**Pang Tong's office**

**Guy:So many wine bottles...**

**Director:There are traces of alcohol everywhere. **

**Zhuge Liang:*whispers*He drinks Zhang Fei's secret supply of wine.**

**Liu Shan's office**

**Guy:Clean, and put that down!**

**Director:*is wearing the emperor hat* What, I think this looks stylish. It's like Mardi Gras beads as a hat. **

**Zhuge Liang:What as a hat?**

**Guy:It's something you guys don't want to know about.**

**Fa Zheng's office**

**Guy:It looks untouched.**

**Zhuge Liang:He is taking his time to arrive. It has been 3 weeks.**

**Zhang Bao, Guan Xing, Guan Suo, and Guan Ping's office**

**Director:This entire room is shared by them?**

**Zhuge Liang:It used to be Guan Ping's alone, but after those three came in, he had to share. We did not have enough rooms to be their offices.**

**Jiang Wei's office**

**Guy:He has a shrine to you, Zhuge Liang.**

**Director:And a you doll. *holds it up* I want to know who is making these NOW.**

**Guy:You just want to fondle a plush version of the women!**

**Zhuge Liang:...What...?**

**Guy:Nothing, my friend here is a good-for-nothing-pervert. Now get looking, you!**

**Director:Fine...*shines light* Nothing.**

**Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying's office**

**Guy: This entire room is the equivalent of three offices! **

**Zhuge Liang:Liu Bei gave me his office when I came in. I expanded it after my wife was introduced.**

**Guy:So you work together? That's nice.**

**Director:(So that's why there wasn't any more offices. The man took them for himself!) This is clean. Very clean.(The man doesn't want to be naughty, huh?)**

**The director walks around, seeing some items.**

**Director:Hey, you have a tiny juggarnaut replica. An abacus, a map of stars, and-huh? It's a sewing kit.**

**Zhuge Liang:*blushes* That's Yue Ying's...**

**Guy:Really? Why are you blushing?**

**Zhuge Liang:I...uh..**

**Director:You sew? That's...interesting...Hmm? What's that? **

**The director sees a button under the sewing kit. He pushes it. A secret door on the side of the room opens.**** The door revealed a shelf of DW plushies.**

**Director:...So the dolls were from you?...Can I have one?...**

**Zhuge Liang:*blushing*No, based on what your friend said, I don't want to give you one.**

**Guy:When we went to other kingdoms, we saw people with your dolls. But in Jin, they don't have any.**

**Zhuge Liang:When I gave someone a doll, I told them to never tell Jin characters.**

**Director:Hey, there's a Sima Yi and Zhou Yu one. You should send them a plushie one of you.**

**Zhuge Liang:I sent one to Zhou Yu, and I also gave one to my wife. Jiang Wei somehow got one. But never Sima Yi.**

**Director:Why not? I'm sure he'll LOVE one of you.**

**Guy:So why not tell Jin?**

**Zhuge Liang:Sima Yi is capable of making it work. Meaning he can turn it voodoo. Only four characters are able to do that. He is one of them. If Jin finds out, Sima Yi will make the dolls voodoo. He'll have everyone as his puppet.**

**Director:Oh, really? Who are the four that are able to use voodoo?**

**Zhuge Liang:Sima Yi, Zhang Jiao, Zuo Ci, and I are able to use voodoo. **

**Guy:So if he got a doll of you, he will make it voodoo? **

**Zhuge Liang:Yes. It will be a pain to be bothered by him.**

**Director:*takes the Sima Yi doll* Hey, you have Lian Shi, and Zhang Chunhua. (They have no boobs, though.) Hey, guy, there's Yue Ying and Cai Wenji.**

**Guy:*blushes*Keep it down. So, Zhuge Liang, why do you make these?**

**Zhuge Liang:Yue Ying made me learn sewing, and I made these dolls when I have free time.**

**Director:I never thought of Sima Yi as"cute", but this doll is making me think so otherwise.*tosses in the air and catches it***

**Zhuge Liang:...Umm, I wouldn't do that...**

**Director:What? Like this doll?*tosses it up in defiance***

**Zhuge Liang:(That doll is not the kind of doll these guys are thinking about..) It would be wise if you put it back. **

**The director ignores Zhuge Liang and starts to make the doll do things. He tries to remove its clothes, but they're stitched on.**

**Director:*mocking Sima Yi* Oh, look at me! I wear a stupid hat. Imbecile, imbecile, imbecile. I think I'm SO much better than Zhuge Liang. *pokes it in the behind***

**Guy:What are you doing? That's wrong and unseemly!**

**Director:I'll show you wrong and unseemly. He takes the Zhang Chunhua doll and makes the Sima Yi doll stick its head in its chest.**

**Guy:What the hell? **

**Zhuge Liang:(That is going to be funny when the voodoo kicks in.) *holding back laughter***

**The director then makes the Sima Yi doll hit the Zhang Chunhua doll in the behind. He sticks the doll back in its chest.**

**Guy:Honestly, is that what you are going to do when you get a doll? You are sick! **

**Director:I'll show you sick! He sticks the two dolls in a very suggestive position.**

**Guy:UGHHH! WHAT THE F**K!**

**Zhuge Liang:*laughing*(Oh, how I wish to be at Jin now.)**

**Guy:What are you laughing about? Is this funny to you?**

**Zhuge Liang:*still laughing* I...the...hahahaha!**

**Director:I'm confused, why are you laughing? I don't think you will laugh at something like this.**

**Zhuge Liang:Huh...huh..the doll...of Sima...Yi...is...no...ordinary doll.*coughs* It's a voodoo doll. Now all what you just did to the doll now, Sima Yi will do. And it works, since I'm capable of using voodoo. *laughs again*****  
**

**Director:...Oh...*looks at the dolls***

**Guy:...What have you done?!**

**Zhuge Liang:I have a camera over there now, so we can watch the madness from here.**

***scene change***

**Sima Yi's office**

**Sima Yi:*reading paper* Ok, now...AHHH!**

**He is thrown up, hitting the ceiling. He falls down, only to be thrown up again.**

**Zhang Chunhua:*runs to the office*My lord, what's wrong? **

**Sima Yi: I was thrown up by some unknown force!*rubs head* Ow! Something poked me. *gets up on his own* Wait, my body...ahh!**

**He is pulled towards Zhang Chunhua, his face getting caught in her chest.**

**Zhang Chunhua:*frowning*This is not funny...Please get your head out.**

**Sima Yi:*muffled*My body moved on its own.*tries to move*And I can't move. *blushing***

**Zhang Chunhua:*tries to pry Sima Yi off* You are heavy...And Sima Yi, save your urges for later.**

**Sima Yi:*blushing, still in chest*This is not a urge! My body moved on its own! Hmm..?**

**He moves off and goes behind Zhang Chunhua.**

**Sima Yi:*his hand moving on its own*What..? My hand! It's-**

**His hand hits her in the behind with an audible slap.**

**Zhang Chunhua:*blushes*Ahh! What..?(I kinda liked that...)**

**Sima Yi:My hand moved on its own! I swear! Some sorcery has caused me to act unusual! And-ahh!**

**He is pulled towards her again, and is in her chest.**

**Zhang Chunhua:*blushing more* Sima Yi, are you sure this isn't one of your sexual urges?**

**Sima Yi:*muffled*Not...an..urge...If I were to have one, it would not be here, out of all places. And-ahh!**

**He is pulled off, goes behind Zhang Chunhua, pushes her down, and is put in a suggestive position. **

**Zhang Chunhua:*very red* S-Sima Yi, what are you doing...? What if someone comes in here? (I liking this, so do what you want to do.)**

**Sima Yi:*whole face red* I-I...my body...moved on its own...and I can't move off!(Please no one come in here!) **

**Sima Shi:*walks in* Is everything al...*sees the two*...right?**

**Sima Yi:*red as hell*This...is...not what you think it is...(OH,NO, I've scarred Shi.)**

**Sima Zhao:Father? What-*sees them***

**Sima Yi:(AAAHHHH! Now my boys think I'm a pervert!) Zhao, Shi...this...is...**

**Zhao and Shi:*wide eyed* Uhh...good for you?**

**Sima Yi:WHAT?!**

***switch back***

**The two are staring at the screen while the stuff happened.**

**Zhuge Liang:*snickering* See? It works. You can experiment with the Sima brothers.**

**Director:*still has the dolls in the position* Oh, lets have some fun! He takes the Sima Yi doll away and makes it hit the Shi and Zhao dolls he took.**

**On the screen:**

**Sima Yi:*gets off* Ahh! My body moving on its own again! My hands-**

**He slaps his sons in the face.**

**Sima Zhao:Oww! Why did you hit us?**

**Sima Shi:I shall try to forget this, please forgive me, Father!**

**Sima Yi:My body moved on its own! I had no intention to hit you! Why won't you believe me? **

**Director:*laughs* Let's make him do something really naughty. He makes the Sima Yi doll's hand go to Zhang Chunhua doll's behind and makes it stay there.**

**On the screen:**

**Sima Yi:Ahh! My hand it's going-**

**His hand is on Zhang Chunhua's behind.**

**Zhang Chunhua:*Very red*Sima Yi, what are you doing now?**

**Sima Yi:Someone is pulling strings...**

**The director makes the doll squeeze its hand.**

**Zhang Chunhua:Ohh! (I liked that..)**

**Sima Yi:I'm so sorry...someone's probably possessing me...**

**Sima Zhao:We're...just gonna go now...**

**The two left them.**

**Sima Yi:*groan* Why me? Again, I'm sorry...**

**Director:They're gone, so I'll make 'em do th-HEY!**

**Guy:Stop it! *takes the Sima Yi doll away from him and throws it* The doll goes across the room, hitting the other side.**

**Director:Oh, you are going to damage him...**

**Guy:..Oh,no...**

**On the screen:**

**Sima Yi:*his hand is still on her behind* You can yell after this...Ahhhh!**

**He floats up, and is violently thrown at the wall, breaking it. He lands in Sima Shi and Sima Zhao's office.**

**Sima Yi:*groan* I'm going to kill who ever made me shame myself...**

**Zhuge Liang:*chuckles*You've had your fun, now back to your job.**

**Director:Can I keep this?**

**Zhuge Liang:No.**

**Outside**

**Zhuge Liang:I have shown you all the rooms here. You are done, no?**

**Guy:What about Xu Shu's office?**

**Zhuge Liang:Who? **

**Guy:The guy who recommended you? Wears a hood? Went to Cao Cao?**

**Zhuge Liang:No, doesn't ring a bell.**

**Guy:Where is that pervert? Oh wait...**

**Back at ZL's office**

**Director:Hmm... Maybe one more stupid thing.**

**He gets the Sima Yi doll and makes it hug the Chunhua doll.**

**On the screen:**

**Sima Yi:*gets up* Ok...I'm okay..ahh!**

**He goes over his wife in the next room and wraps his arms around her.**

**Zhang Chunhua:*blushes* I'm starting to think you are possessed...**

**Sima Yi:Finally, you noticed!**

**Director:Heh, heh, now kiss! He makes the dolls do a kissing action.**

**Sima Yi:...**

**Zhang Chunhua:...**

**Guy:What are you doing? Come, let's go. *sees what he is doing***

**Director:Oh, hi! I was- Guy punches him.**

**Guy:Come on! And separate them!**

**Director:..Killjoy...**

**Outside **

**Guy:Ok, that was it, let's go back to Koei. **

**Director:I want to stop by Jin...**

**Guy:NO.**

**Zhuge Liang:Wait! I want to talk to you!**

**Director: What? **

**Zhuge Liang:You did two things that I want to thank you about.**

**Director:What? I did bad things not worth thanking.**

**Zhuge Liang:*whispers* You slapped Liu Bei, I always wanted to do that myself. And you hit Jiang Wei in his "parts",I've always wanted to do that also. For that I thank you, those two needed that.**

**Director:...What?...I..You're welcome...?**

**Zhuge Liang:Good day, gentlemen. He walks back to the palace.**

**Director:Huh...**

**Koei HQ**

**CEO:You're done?**

**Director:Yep, now I don't have to do it again, right?**

**CEO:Right, I have already hired a new health inspector. He just inspected Other.**

**A man bursts in the room.**

**Man:I QUIT! *storms off***

**CEO:*groans*I'm going to have to find another one...**

**Director:So I'm good?**

**CEO:Yes. What needs cleaning?**

**Director:*takes out his clipboard* Jin: Jia Chong's office, Guo Huai's office, Xiahou Ba's office, WHOLE Sima Household**

**Wei:Wang Yi's office, Cao Pi's office, Guo Jia's office Wu: Lu Meng's office, Gan Ning's office, Ling Tong's office, Shu: Zhang Fei's office, Zhao Yun's office, Huang Zhong's office**

**CEO:Ok, you may leave. I shall handle the rest. **

**The director leaves the office.**

**Guy:So, what did he say?**

**Director:I won't be doing this again.**

**Guy:Good, because I'm not coming along next time.**

**Director:Want to go to Jin to see what happened between those two?**

**Guy:Eh, why not?**

**Jin/Sima Yi's office**

**Director:The Sima Yi-shaped hole is still there... **

**Guy:Wow, I did this much damage? Also, did you separate Sima Yi from his wife when we left?**

**Director:I stuck around for a little bit, making them have an intimate moment.**

**Guy:You what? Why? They were embarrassed enough already!**

**Director:I just made Sima Yi linger for a bit. He was kinda enj-**

**Guy:NO! Don't want to hear what your twisted mind made him do!**

**Director:I saw those two leave the office, red in the face.**

**Sima Yi:*appears behind him*...You were the one that made me do that nonsense...?**

**Director:AHHH! **

**Guy:You're in trouble now... **

**Sima Yi: I was acting like a pervert thanks to you! **

**Guy:Just beat him to a pulp or show him to your family, I'm sure you'll get what you want from him. After all, they're still mad, no?**

**Sima Yi:*smirks* Thank you for that idea...**

**Director:Way to throw me under the bus! Ahh! Wait!**

**He is dragged by Sima Yi out the office.**

**Guy:I'll just go watch him get beat up.**

**Sima Yi:Zhao! Remember him? *holds him up***

**Sima Zhao:*looks at him* Oh, right...I remember you...*eyes narrow***

**Director:*gulps***

**Wang Yuanji:*takes out her knives***

**Sima Shi:*takes his sword out***

**Sima Yi:Chunhua! Remember him? He is the one who was making me act all unusual.**

**Zhang Chunhua:*takes out her claws* I didn't get to teach you a lesson...Shall we start now?**

**Director:Oh god...AHHH!**

**Sima Yi:*smirking* Have fun...*throws him at the ground* He goes to stand with Guy.**

**Guy:*waves at him* Enjoy your time! Don't worry, you won't die! You'll just feel extreme pain!**

**Director:You di-**

***SLASH**SLASH**BAM**WRREE**SHING*BOOM**STAB**KABOOM**WRRREEE***

**Guy:Not forgiving types, are they? **

**Sima Yi:Nope.**

**Guy:Why aren't you beating him?**

**Sima Yi:Watching is enough for me.**

**Koei HQ**

**Director:*groan* He is covered in cuts, bruises, and burns.**

**Guy:We need a medic over here! So, how was it?**

**Director:I...*groan* He falls to the ground.**

**Guy:Hmph.**


End file.
